Do you do things that you don’t really want to do in order to make other people happy? Do you say “yes” a lot when you really want to say “no”?
If so, you’re probably a people pleaser. People pleasing is having an emotional need to please others, most times at your own expense.
This is not a bad thing. People pleasers mean well. They truly want everybody to be happy.
However, it’s important to understand that while you have the greatest intentions, this can be detrimental to your own emotional well-being. First of all, saying yes when you really want to say no completely disregards what you want. You basically teach yourself that what you want is not important. Second of all, when you downplay your desire to become an entrepreneur, for example, because it’ll make other people uncomfortable, you’re being inauthentic. It becomes the norm to be someone that you’re not and again you teach yourself that what you want is not important.
The scariest part is that after doing this for long enough, you eventually begin to believe it. You start to believe that it’s okay to disregard your desires, dreams, and goals, and it’s okay to not be your authentic self.
If you want to get rid of the people pleasing, here is what I recommend:
- Notice when you’re tempted to do something that you truly don’t want to do. Now this is different from really wanting to go to the party but you’re just “too tired”. What I’m referring to is deep down not wanting to go to the party, but forcing yourself to go because you don’t want your friend’s feelings to be hurt.
- Ask yourself: If I knew they would not be bothered by my decision either way, would I still do it?
- If no, then consider declining to do that thing, from a place of self-love and authenticity and from a place of love and respect for the other person.
- Reward yourself for acknowledging that what you want is important too and for loving, respecting, and honoring yourself in this situation.
This may seem harsh initially but really you end up gaining more respect from other people and from yourself. You end up showing up as the real you and the people who are meant to be in your life will understand and love you for it.
Alright, all my people pleasers. Try it and let me know how it works out for you.
P.S. This is just the beginning of feeling empowered and putting yourself first. I’d love to work with you one-on-one to go even further. Click the button below to get started.