My conversation with a client recently revealed that part of the reason she dislikes her job is because she does not like some of her co-workers. One co-worker in particular “thought he was better than other people.” He never said this to her but she got this from the way he behaves.
He never said this to her so we don’t know if he actually thinks that or not. But even if he did, people are allowed to think whatever they want to think. There is absolutely nothing we can do about it.
The only reason anyone would be bothered by this is if they believed there was some truth to it. If someone told you that they hated your leopard hair, you would be unbothered because chances are you don’t have leopard hair.
Turns out that my client was a little insecure because she doesn’t think she is as smart as her co-workers. The way that this shows up for her is in situations where he corrects her, she feels dumb or inadequate. Or someone comes to her with a question and she doesn’t know the answer, she feels incompetent. None of this is true. It’s simply the way the brain works. Whatever you believe, your brain will go to work looking for evidence to prove it true.
She had no idea that these thoughts were floating around up there.
We worked on changing her beliefs about herself and her intelligence. Now she has a completely different relationship with the co-worker. She is now open to his feedback and correction because she realizes that she can actually learn a lot from him. Although she says he is still a “know-it-all”, she is able to view his behavior differently because she now believes in herself and knows that his behaviors have nothing to do with her.
Are you having problems with your co-workers? They are not the problem. The problem is in your mind. This is the work that I do with my clients. We don’t change other people. We change you.
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