Everyday, I would put my big girl panties on and get up and go to work. I would show up with a smile on my face, do my job, and go home. Then, I would get home, be a wife, be a mom, get ready for bed, then do it all again the next day.
Everyone around me seemed like they had it all figured out. They knew exactly why they were here, what their purpose was in this life. They seemed to enjoy their work and their lives and they were making a difference in the world doing it. Clearly, something was wrong with me.
I was really smart. I had always been able to figure out anything. ANY. THING. But this? Yes, something had to be wrong with me. Maybe I didn’t have a rough enough childhood. Maybe I hadn’t gone through enough traumatic experiences. Maybe that’s why I didn’t have that thing, that experience, that people use to drive their passion and make it their life’s purpose.
Yep, something was wrong with me. I was just out there dangling in the wind with no direction. Days, weeks, months, YEARS going by and I’m out there just existing in the world. Not making a difference.
My deepest desire was to make God proud by living a life of purpose. And I was failing miserably. Because something was wrong with me.
What was wrong with me was that I kept saying no to myself. When I’d pray for God to show me what I was supposed to be doing, he would show me. I had a vision of myself as a counselor/psychologist/coach/therapist helping people to live better lives. It was clear as day. But I said “No, that’s not it. I don’t know what it is, but that definitely couldn’t be it.”
Because I didn’t think I could do it. I couldn’t see how I could go from a Software Engineer to a counselor/psychologist/coach/therapist. It just didn’t make logical sense in my brain. So I pushed it away. Every single day. All day. I pushed it away. That was what was wrong with me.
I needed to say, “Yes. Yes and by any means necessary.”
And I did. It’s like God said “FINALLY!!” and then opened up the gates of heaven and made my path clear. He’d been there the whole time just waiting for me to say yes.
Are you saying no to yourself? Are you pushing your dreams, your purpose away? They’re still there. And the path is much clearer than you think. Let’s talk.
Gabrielle, The Thought Trainer